Romans 12:3 — For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.

A website called “Aha! Parenting” expresses a frighteningly prevalent perspective on parenting: 

Every parent wants their children to love themselves, to be confident, happy people. But some parents worry that children can have self esteem that is “too high.”

There is no such thing. We cannot see ourselves as too good, too capable, too valuable.

That’s hopelessly misguided of course. There is no doubting the incalculable value of children. Psalm 127 tells us, “Lo, children are a heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.” (Psalm 127:3-4). It’s important, though, to weigh the value properly, and Paul puts it in the right perspective.

He starts by making it clear that he’s making no claim to wisdom, but speaking with the wisdom God has given him. That gift, like all the gifts he will go on to speak of, are given by the grace of God.

We are not automatically good or capable. We are, though, incalculably valuable. Look what God says: “Since thou wast precious in my sight, thou hast been honorable, and I have loved thee: therefore will I give men for thee, and people for thy life.” (Isaiah 43:4). God placed so much value on us that He, in the person of Jesus, chose to die on the cross to open a path to eternal life for us.

We have a balance to find with our children. We need to teach them their true value, without foolishly inflating their egos. Perhaps they are no longer fashionable, but it seems to me that these verses from Proverbs still provide the “gold standard”:

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6) — I’ve put this one first, because it’s the master verse … Get this right, and all else follows.

He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. (Proverbs 13:24)

Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying. (Proverbs 19:18)

Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. (Proverbs 22:15 )

Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. (Proverbs 23:13-14)

The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. …

Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul. (Proverbs 29:15, 17)

Now please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not a big believer in beating children … In fact I believe that any kind of physical chastisement should be kept to an absolute minimum … but I’m convinced that to let a child run unchecked without proper discipline is to betray it into a future of folly. But to challenge it to reach it’s full potential according to the measure of grace accorded to it is to give the greatest of gifts …