Genesis 50:15-17 — And when Joseph’s brethren saw that their father was dead, they said, Joseph will peradventure hate us, and will certainly requite us all the evil which we did unto him. And they sent a messenger unto Joseph, saying, Thy father did command before he died, saying, So shall ye say unto Joseph, Forgive, I pray thee now, the trespass of thy brethren, and their sin; for they did unto thee evil: and now, we pray thee, forgive the trespass of the servants of the God of thy father. And Joseph wept when they spake unto him.

Myra and I are nearly a month into this year’s read through the Bible, and this morning we reached the end of Genesis. We read the passage in Genesis 50:15-21 which is often characterized as Joseph’s brothers’ apology for the harm they had done him. It is no such thing — at best it’s a pretty poor imitation.
Over the years I have become something of an expert on this business of apologies — I’ve had plenty of opportunity to practice, as Myra can attest. To me, it can be summarized using five “R”s — “Recognition”, “Repentance”, “Responsibility”, “Request” and “Restitution”.
“Recognition” is a simple idea. Before you can apologize for an offense, for hurting someone, you have to realize they have been hurt, to recognize their pain.
“Repentance” is a familiar, but often misunderstood, idea. It’s not just being sorry. It’s about empathy, about seeing the offense from the point of view of the offended party. It implies seeing the pain as the sufferer sees it.
“Responsibility” is about taking ownership … saying that you did harm, and that nobody else was to blame.
“Request” might be the hardest step. An apology is not complete unless you humble yourself and ask for forgiveness.
Finally, there is “Restitution” — doing whatever you can, whatever the offended part will accept, to repair any damage caused.
How did Joseph’s brothers do? I might give them a pass on “Recognition”. In Genesis 42:21 we can read “And they said one to another. We are verily guilty concerning our brother, in that we saw the anguish of his soul, when he besought us, and we would not hear; therefore is this distress come upon us.” That certainly implies recognition and some of the second and third “R”s — “Repentance” and “Responsibility”. What I can’t see is a genuine “Request” or any offer of “Restitution”. What I do see is a gesture driven by fear which, if they are telling the truth, is only made at the direction of their father.
There are two things I ought to say in fairness to the brothers, I suppose. One is that I rarely achieve an apology with all the elements. The other is that Joseph had been a pretty aggravating youth … which certainly never got acknowledged. If you are ever on the receiving end of an apology and want to maintain the relationship, accepting your part of any problem is very gracious.
I suspect there was a lot more family rebuilding needed than is told at the end of the Book of Genesis …