Psalm 139:23-24 — Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Since early this afternoon I have been irritable and short on enthusiasm. I really don’t know why. At least, I don’t know the detail — but in general I know what’s going on. God’s getting my attention about something.
I don’t know what it is, but there is a “wicked way” within me. That phrase carries the sense of “anxious toil, hardship or agony”, or of idolatry …
I’m sorry to say that from time to time I fall into this state. Not often, but often enough to allow me to recognize it. I want to share some of the things that have been causes before, in case you fall into the same state now and then, and have no idea what’s going on. If you have some different causes, perhaps you can share too and we can help one another.
One cause is when my prayer life is inadequate — wrongly focused, insubstantial, skimpy. I know there have been times when that has been the case. Just imagine. There have been times when I presumed to talk to the Almighty God and my attention has been less than it should be, focused on the wrong things, hurried …
Another cause has been inadequate faith. When I have failed to relax in God’s all-embracing arms, failed to trust Him for all my needs — present and future — He’s pushed me away a little.
Another cause has been when I focused on things — things I thought I wanted. Not things that were bad in themselves — not even, necessarily, things that God didn’t want me to have. But things I was paying too much attention to, when I should have been paying more attention to where His focus is.
The last big cause that I recall is that sometimes I fall into the folly of caring about who I am and what people think of me. There are times, God forgive me, when I want “my due”. I want “what is owed to me”. On my better days, of course, I know that nothing is owed to me … that all I have, I have as the gift of His grace.
So. How am I doing? Pride, idolatry, faithlessness and superficiality. A pretty good collection of reasons for God to put me in the penalty box. I know I’m going to be praying hard for a while until He shows me how I’m falling short this time. My first hope is that my tour through the back alleys of my sin life might help you avoid some of the dark corners.