Ephesians 4:11-16 — And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; for the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ: that we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; but speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: from whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.

I know it’s a long scripture … but it’s one that needs to be read completely — or we risk repeating the very thing that I want to write about. We risk taking a verse out of context. In fact it can get worse. What started me on the trail is the way one phrase from a key verse is so often taken and used to justify an entirely un-Christlike behavior. Verse 15 says “but speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:”. That phrase “speaking the truth in love” — it is so often used to tell somebody something that the teller knows is not welcome to the hearer. All too often it’s not even true …
So what does this text really have to say to us?
We’ll come back to that key phrase in a little while, but first let’s start unwrapping the passage.
First Paul says, “Look, we’ve all got different gifts, but they’re given for the same purpose — to build up the church so that we all grow into the image of Christ.”
Next he says, “We need to grow up, and stop being fooled by the lies of those who distort the Gospel” and then comes “speaking the truth in love” …
The idea of “speaking” really doesn’t get the full sense. The Amplified version says it much better:

Rather, let our lives lovingly express truth in all things, speaking truly, dealing truly, living truly. Enfolded in love, let us grow up in every way and in all things into Him Who is the Head, even Christ the Messiah, the Anointed One. (Ephesians 4:15 AMP)

It’s not just talking — it’s living a life that expresses love in all it’s aspects. Harry Ironside says about love:

Note once again the emphasis on love: “forbearing one another in love” (Eph. 4:2); “speaking the truth in love” (Eph. 4:15); “the edifying of itself in love” (4:16). Love is the circulatory system of the body. It has been discovered that isolated, unloved babies do not grow properly and are especially susceptible to disease, while babies who are loved and handled grow normally and are stronger. So it is with the children of God.

“Expressing love we grow up,” says Paul “into the image of Christ, and thus the church is built up with love.”
It is so important not to take verses, or even worse, parts of verses and separate them from the surrounding text. Paul was not writing to provide a miserable excuse for unkind words — true or false. He was writing of the power of love to build the church. It’s not just talk …